Brokenhearted

I determined to check with the 'sup' today about mother's condition as of late.  Mom's wobbly knees and overall weakened condition has become of major concern.  I noticed she has seemed in a fog and more unaware of things.  She didn't even notice her wet pull ups.  She is in more pain and extremely weak and tired.  The sup said she would talk to mom's doctor and order some tests and even put her on a steady dose of Tylenol to try to get the pain under control.

By the time mom was done with lunch, it was time to get mom ready for therapy by getting her to the bathroom. Mom is using a commode next to the bed, so you wouldn't think it would be too tough, but it was.  By the time I got her up, turned around, pants and pull up down, changed her clothes while I was at it, put medicine on her bony backside, stood her up again, then again because she fell back on the commode, got her new pull up and pants on and up, I realized I need help.

I ran to find the therapists to let them know mom was ready, then checked out for a late breakfast and lunch at 2:45.  I was thankful for the sunny ride home and enjoyed the window rolled down with my arm out the side.  I threw mom's clothes in the wash when I got home, got the mail and made a sandwich.

To say that I was tired is an understatement.  I was and still am exhausted.  My head is numb and my back aches.  Thank God the knot in my back from yesterday is almost gone.  I woke up with full movement this morning. Thank you, BFF for your prayers.

As I paused for a 2 minute bow before the Father, I had an overwhelming sense of His welcoming presence, His arms lifting me and His loving approval.  It was as if He really told me, "Well done!"

My heart was overwhelmed because I feel inadequate and so unable to care for my mother right now with her wobbly shaky legs trying to stand up as I try to hold her and keep her from falling, yet everywhere I touch, everything hurts.  I am unable to lift her, unable to really help her and I realize I can't help her like this.

As hungry as I may be to actually eat lunch, it's hard to eat and sob at the same time. All I can think of is that it's really true. He is close to those who are brokenhearted and rescues those whose spirits are crushed. It may not take the pain away, but it's just so great to know He cares.

I pray that if you are brokenhearted, experiencing or have experienced loss, depressed or crushed by grief or despair that you will also find comfort from The God of all Comforts.  He cares!

Lunch time is over. The clothes are done.  It's time to go back and check on mom.  I grab the clothes from the dryer and grab her ratty favorite sweater and notice that it smells just like her.  I give it a big whiff and the tears are too much.