Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Father Knows Best

Roxie's head is very sore. Her hair is not coming out in big clumps as she had imagined, but rather just a lot of hair at once. Her son must be getting used to the idea of mommy wearing a wig, because he apparently likes her in a brown one.

This morning I wrote in my journal that I hoped the Lord would use our drama for some good. Bring people to faith, cause others to grow in faith and just some higher purpose would be a plus. But, even if it always ever only seems like it's purposeless, I do trust that He knows best. Yes. Father knows best.

Father Knows Best was a television show in the 50s-60's. I was pretty young so I don't remember much about the show, but just having the name come to mind sparked my faith and encouraged me to kick in to a deeper trust level this morning. We can truly count on Him to help us with our problems even more than a "good" earthly father would. After all, our heavenly Father loves my family and friends even more than I do.

What I pray the most for my loved ones who are in the midst of their battles besides the obvious relief from physical pain is that "they sense the presence of love flowing from the heavenly Father....who truly does know best."

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Cancer Sucks.

It's 9:45 pm. Grocery shopping is done. Cranberry sauce is done. I just have to transfer it to a Tupperware or serving bowl. Salads are prepped. The turkey is thawing. We aren't doing too much this year. Keeping it simple and real. 

I just finished paying our bills. Those nasty hospital bills are still on our plate from last spring. We chisel away $50.00 a month on both the ambulance and the hospital. It amazes me that we can even do that much when my income doesn't cover our three main bills on paper as it is. Crazy. That's how it is with faith.

So, the update you ask? The plan is in motion. My son will take a leave of absence from work while he attends treatment. Apparently the soonest they can get him in is December 17th, so a cancellation opening would be a good thing, in my mind. He will be without any income for a bit here, so he will play Mr. Mom to pick up his share of the load.

Personally? I know it won't be easy for my son to face his "demons" as they say. I hate giving the dark side credit, but in this case, he does have some valid fears to face. 

Roxie? She's waiting for her hair to start falling out. Her scalp hurts. It typically starts about now. so she has wigs, caps, turbans and scarfs in preparation. She's working on a plan to help her son by making it more of a game. Maybe if he helps shave mom's head so he won't be traumatized by it. 

I think it's a good thing I won't be there, if it really does happen. Crap, she hates it when people say they like her haircut. So, I will keep praying. I hope it won't be as devastating as she thinks it will be.

Ginny? She said she was feeling pretty good and was very surprised after her second dose of chemo. She did have her moments, but not too bad. Her children, my nieces, are doing a fundraiser on FB, so I hope they can raise financial help for them.

Lord, cancer sucks. Let me say it again. Yes! Cancer sucks.

Monday, November 24, 2014

All I Know

I tried to write my three pages this morning, but all I can think of is the meeting with the Psychiatrist. I've made several trips to the bathroom, so admittedly, I'm nervous. OK, very nervous.

Roxie is feeling good this morning. She's been feeling better lately (the pain medication worked miraculously), so we tackled some of the projects around her house over the weekend while we waited for today.

I'm sure you will be anxious to hear how things go with the meeting this morning or what the plan will be, but I pray to be on the road after the meeting. I'm definitely ready to go home. Very ready. And, I need to go home.

I have to work Tuesday and Wednesday. Then, it's Turkey Day!!! So, we will be very busy, but I promise to post an update as soon as I can.

All I can do this morning is repeat the verses (in prayer) from the past couple days. That, and pray that my son's desire to get help will be stronger than his fears. There has been enough pain and enough torture. That's all I know.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Gotta Want It!

Perhaps honesty scares you, because you don't know why you do what makes you feel guilty or ashamed. You fear that people will find out that you have a problem and know something is wrong with you. You fear they will judge you and condemn you. After all, you already feel condemned.

That's another thing Jesus did (and does). He met with the woman at the well. We know from the account that she had multiple husbands and that she was a loner. She came to the well at a time when she knew the other women wouldn't be there. I can imagine that she was destined to always be ostracized, shamed and scorned. She had to come to the point where, I'm sure, she wondered if anything would ever be any different or if anyone could ever make a difference in her life. Wasn't that what she was searching for? Someone to soothe her wandering heart? A Savior*? 

Bam. Jesus knew. Jesus was waiting for her. He sought her out. He waited just for her. At the right time, she came. He knew how to open her heart ever so carefully, yet He honed in and quickly cracked it open. 

She marveled. Wasn't he going to condemn her too? Wasn't He going to ostracize or at least call her names if not spit on her? She had been bullied all her life, or as long as she could remember. For her race, for being a woman, for being divorced, for not being married and for a lot of things in between.

But, Jesus came to her. He spoke to her. He seized the opportunity and because He touched her wounds, the whole village experienced the power of Christ.

Wouldn't that be awesome? That's the power of redemption, of restoration. People will see it and marvel. People will want it too.You know the saying, "Gotta Want It!"

The woman at the well:

*A person who saves someone or something (especially a country or cause) from danger, a knight in shining armor, a rescuer. a Good Samaritan.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Just As I Am

Today, while writing morning pages, I wrote that I am hoping for deliverance and transformation. Do you know that you CAN'T clean up after your own sins? Do you know that God wants you to ask Him for help. Do you know that God doesn't expect you to try to make yourself "good enough" to go to Him to clean up the mess you've made?

Just As I Am* (you know the song?) means just that. Jesus did it. Jesus still does it. It's His job to transform us. It's His job to change our desires, our habits, our focus. It's His job to heal our hurts which removes the need for pain management. Maybe it's better to be desperate because there's no mistaking our need for salvation. Those who seem to have a happy little life might have no way of knowing that "we" don't brush ourselves off to go to God. Rather, we go to God to brush ourselves off.

The Good Samaritan is the story of how God does this. It is His story of what He does. He sees us wounded, crippled and dying. He does not pass us by. He reaches out and finds the wounded, those who are desperately broken and unable to even get up much less walk. Jesus washes our wounds, puts soothing ointment on them and covers them with fresh linens, then He picks us up and carries us to safety. The Good Samaritan took the wounded man to a safe home where he could heal.

Read the story for yourself at:
OK, in this story, He is telling that He expects us to be Good Samaritans as well, but we can only do that when we receive His healing.

* (Instrumental)

* (Choral singers with words posted)

It's good to know that He calls us (me and you) to come, Just As I Am!